I am the one who criticizes him bc I am trying to get him to see where he is unavailable in our marriage. Im quite sure they believe they are right but as for the details . My mom still blames me, and so does my other sister (the oldest bitch). See, they are actually capable of being honest!!! 8 min. All because people used to say that she was jealous of me and poor her. All my fault. Its like we have to live according to him and my family continues to blame me for speaking up. My parents (when I say parents, I mean my father, but Mom went along with it and the abuse we suffered in my childhood, as a teen who was beyond well behaved, etc) were sooooo helpful with doing things for me, especially when people found out. Oh how amazing it was we clicked straight away we were both like different people we spoke about things and were getting on. Oh, but how I think that I love him. Guard against falling for it. They have an uncanny and unattractive way of taking their own dismal thoughts and making you responsible for them. Follow my lead. And I really donot get how he always has to be right and I wrong that is the biggest problem that fuels my anxiety and my stomach now keeps ulcers. So everything is done and he doesnt do anything. We went (us as a couple, our children & step-children) to three different therapists, he got in trouble for hurting one of his daughters while we were going to therapy sessions, and then of course therapy was no longer valid or good because the doctors all came to the same conclusionthat my Narc spouse was the problem, as a father and a husband. ][Your reaction I think is what the call Stockholm Syndrome. i am the reason he is over weight and unhealthy. That is very eise also for when you have to appear in court for the divirce. In fact they are not good for you. You must become more aware of yourself if you want to break free of the fake mask and be less prone to skin irritation. Its also merely an intense form of self-absorption and selfishness. Its the only thing that has brought some kind of Peace to my soul (the one my husband so dedperately triedto take & live thru because he has not one of his own. I dont get it. I was raised by a narcissistic mother. 2 kids dont speak to me now convinced I did to him what he actually did to me. Likewise, it goes without saying that this cycle can also trigger resentment and tension in the marriage. She is feeling better now, without the need for medications, and hasnt cut in five months. I dont trust him, though, and never will. At the very end upon request he acknowledged that I had done this but never really thanked me. The only way they can gain access to you again is through friendship, so the narcissist will do everything possible to make that happen. People make mistakes. I am sooooo very grateful for everything in any context that anyone has posted. Not all narcissists are abusers. She blames me for everything. Because you never will do anything right as far as they are concerned.. NEVER. When confronted, they then blame something else to defend their action. He didnt visit her at the hospital, he hasnt helped once, but he has screamed many times Ive screwed up her house and Im spending her money. Whatever she does is not your concern. M Husband is a Narc- I left last year after 102 years of abuse and 16 years of marriage. I asked him once about a motorcycle trip we took and he was kinda distant so I kept trying to engage.,..we pulled over to a gas station and started calling me a bitch, saying,you fuckimg bitch, several times We had to wait for his Dad and brother to pick up his bike. Nothing could be further from the truth. HiI am new hereI just left my N 4 days ago..the no contact is so hard especially when I think I can get one over on him. If they are not responsive or the situation continues to worsen, its time to seriously reflect on your relationship and your intentions for staying together. Even if Jennie still suffers from narcissistic personality disorder (his condition is still untreated), Sam may still devalue him and blame him. However, all this time, I provided her emotional and financial support (her husband didnt have a steady job). All, my fault I am so pissed! Instead, they have to sit with their own discomfort. If you have low self esteem and are used to loved ones treating you badly then you are in danger of attracting a partner who will treat you badly. i dont know how to even react anymore. As the younger of the two siblings, my brother made a game out of finding new ways to belittle me. I bought, with my money, a new dishwasher, dryer, microwave, carpet, etc. I loved psychology so I did pay attention and I see alot of what I learned. Im left hurt, fed up and confused as he started the whole thing. Mindset Therapy offers insights into narcissist blame shifting. He had some family traumasand although he has been seeing a psych since his wife was ill (according to him), he seems to have numerous unresolved issues. As a single parent with two kids and an ex-husband gone AWOL as to child support, I figured the financial security was worth putting up with a little atypical behavior. I was disgusted more than angry. Its already fixed however once you manage to establish that theres a problem. To make a long 4 months short, he sent me $5000 to come to WI and be near him as I didnt feel right living with him. You dont think about ex girlfriends while with your wife and tell your wife you did it for her. He also told us how he hated us, we ruined his life and he wishes we never adopted him. And the first sign a person wont feel sorry they hurt you.. OR worse doubles down on it if you say anything.. Slam the door to your heart to them.. Then your narcissist spouse will run around telling friends and family the you needed counseling because YOU are mentally ill. DONT FALL FOR IT let HIM go to counseling for himself. Im constantly being held to account & criticised, everything that goes wrong is my fault. Oh wow this sounds just like my ex.his friends (all users) got the best of everything while I lived in a dump of a house he would not fix as he promised when we brought it. But I feel that it is getting close, and I am getting stronger. She is trying to force me to stay in business with her, while ignoring and blaming me for the failed personal relationship and I did everything for this women took care of her mother who suffered a stroke, emotionally was there every day for her, went to see her over 20 times over a 3 year period, but she NEVER wanted to accept any responsibility or even talk abut her mistreatment of me, from going out and not including me in our business as well as lying about other men. Im disabled what can i do?? if i did something good in my life with or before her she has always done it so much better then me. I dont know if I will ever be able to trust anyone again. SUPPORTIVE Says Oh, get off the pity pot.. For the last 6 wks since Ive been gone.. all youve done is SCREAM AT ME.. REALLY?? If you cannot ensure your stead fast removal from the situation have checks and balances in place that you can easily point to so even they can discover their deception. Just tonight I found a large kitchen knife under her mattress and she turned it on me for looking under the mattress. No income and was soooo depressed. No holiday its my fault, im called weak, lazy, ugly & no one want you around. I am in financial ruins because of him. Narcissists blame you because they want a reaction. Things were great having my own place and being 3 towns away. He wanted to know if/when we got married (of course, he said he would propose soon) how I felt about putting everything in one pot. Sometimes the N will act babyish and will admit a tiny fault (like drinking the last can of coke) but dont buy into this act because in the next instant they will attack you. Whatever it is, its my fault. Kept him waiting for a couple of minutes outside my friends house when he was picking me up and he totally exploded and drove off as I was attempting to get in. If the school kicks him out we are stuck. Being a mom for whom family ties are everything, I cant turn my back on my N adult child. I think I stay sick because of this. I often feel sad when I see how other men treat their wives with respect and dignity. Im trying to untangle my responses to him and take responsibility for them but it fell on deaf ears. Got a sweet deal.45k less than appraisal , I got done before I dissappear ed.and he keeps all his big stuff. A week later my mom turned 85 and I had a family party for her, he called to ask what WE were doing for her birthday, I told him I was having a party, he could do whatever he wanted. I know in Exs case, he was raised by a N mother, always critical, so I am sure its passed along generation to generation. I get blamed for everything. Sounds very similar to a past situation where I was followed into ever room of the house. He was in extreme pain but I orchestrated so much as to be really untrustworthy. Narcisissm is on a Personality Spectrum. I have been out of work 6 wks living off MY savings.. and my husband who makes 2-3K a week. I dont know how much longer I can look at him. Other then being a cheat (this was chronic), I knew something was terribly wrong internally. They are having same problems we had. He use to drug me and then convince me the blackouts were because I was crazy. But there is a tipping point, and I wish it had been something less for me than getting a suicidal-depression causing MTBI and getting assaulted for it and getting it blamed on me, because Mr. when he is upset he throws everything into my face even little things I have said when conversing with him as though I said something bad..I have no desire to even talk to him be cuz he is as two faced as they come.he is very sneaky and believes himself to be totally faultless and has no real perception of reality or what a healthy relationship is..how could he..he blames everyone for problems but himself..it is like jekyl & Hyde and very immature & dissatisfying way to live. When he comes home he doesnt have to do a thing. And Im disgusted at how much Ive put myself through, a string woman in control of her life Always, and became the scapegoat if a sick minded man. I would so love to. But if youre in a relationship with someone who constantly blames you, they dont have your best interests at heart. The more you try to help them the nastier they get. My defences where down and I let in the devil. She thinks it is all my fault and is out for me. I left my ex narcissist boyfriend 2weeks ago with no warning we had been in a relationship for about 5yrs,I couldnt take one more second of his rages, downgrading opinions of me, emotional,verbal,and mental abuse.. Spends thousands on an expensive hobby on a whim.. Has run up credit card debt AGAIN after I begged him NOT to get a card.. ignored my birthday.. AGAIN and my final rant. I have a full time job I leave home at 5 everyday and only get home at 7 in the evenings and then I still need to cook and clean and tend to the 3 kids. You are expected to hate whoever the N hates, so you give up your own identity and your own right to make up your own mind and are expected to be grateful for it. Looking for a sign of approval, a gesture that shows they appreciate something you did. But they are arrested in emotional development at 6. His family (all users) got him to borrow money for them and that left me to pay household bills since his money went to loan payments. They cannot admit they are less than perfect so when distressed, their first reaction is to blame/deflect. Now he wont talk to me and hes locked himself in our bedroom. I just honestly hate everything anymore. I was a bit taken aback, but I went with it and told him that I loved him too. Or eat it with an air of disdain.. As if great try, but not so good:( I think their joy is in how much confusion, misery, sadness and frustration they see they can cause.. He became a loan shark at his job to the guys that needed money We had a situation in May where he threw me to the floor after an argument about his light bill and they turned off the lights and for some reason it was my fault although I moved out in December then the house payment was due and he had not paid in 4 months and was getting tossed out and that was my fault- and told me that he did not throw mw to the floor i bumped into him and thats how it happened fractured shoulder form a bump WHATTTT meanwhile he moved his daughter in with 2 children and want me to pay the living expenses and I became the B of the world . I have been gone from my husbands home for two weeks. About a week later I got a text from him asking how i was doing. WEll it seems we have all come into contact with this same kind of personality disorder.. Its nothing short of life ruining.. YOu find yourself trying to appease these people . It can trigger immense emotions of guilt, shame, or fear. I did so much covering and lying for him and most of my friends and family had no clue what I was living with. You For Everything I have never been the angered type but it is getting to that point I no longer know what to do. I have been telling him since i was pregnant with my first child 6 years ago to get out, and he wont. Hi its my first time here I am an Asian. Beware of single children raised by one or two parents with NPD. WebNarcissists are known for their inflated sense of self-importance and entitlement, as well as their lack of empathy. Everything you have all written about on this page, has happened to me. I feel for you, I want to leave to help my kids, 4 and 5 year old, they totally love him though, screaming and all. He knows where the door is. When I do see him, I have to park on another street. Hi Mary. I have an 8 year old son and my narcissist ex is trying to modify custody now and trying to dig up anything he can and make up things, doing anything to make me look bad. You will naturally require respect in your relationships, and you will also enjoy a mutual take-and-give symbiosis with others. Right to when he said he was going to end up in the hospital because of me and said I said we were over, stop trying to apologize and you are giving me so much stress are you not going to be happy until you give me a heart attack? They will lie on the spot to win the argument and prove that they are right. I was hoping for a peaceful goodbye and I cant get rid of this pain in my heart that was I really the reason he felt soo bad, did Id do no good?? She also has a horrible sense of entitlement. Moms an ally, as long as I dont totally fuck up-even then, the preferential treatment is unbearable. Then I met him. Too many ways for him to get to me. Having a history of persistent rejection in the past. She even started telling lies, such as inventing a story about me having an inappropriate relationship with my step sister. 4 years, Enough is Enough!!! I know what he says to me is not correct but it still hurts when he is saying it. Its nothing youre doing. During the final discard, my xN lashed out at me for something extremely trivial. They might also deny blaming you for anything in the first place. Its automatic.. Oh, and he broke up via text. He recently spoken that my only job is to act right or obey and I cant get that right. Shut them out of your life.. You deserve to live your life.. Because trust me.. after 20 years I know how much time they can take ..And you cant get it back.. And you will regret trying to appease them.. Its not worth it. My N blames, although often for things that go wrong, also (and more often) for meaningless trivia someone left the fridge open, someone spent spare time doing one thing instead of another. Hes not my problem anymore and I did the moraly right thing and warned my sons wife about the N . So many things that i can not name on here. They are pure EVIL! If you feel you are not ready to make a complete separation then maybe write to your dad and briefly tell him the behaviour that you no longer will tolerate and what the consequence will be..i.e that you will have no longer have contact with him. I was there hooked up to an iv for nine hours. Its a way for him to cover his own ego and protect himself by shifting the blame. Would love to talk to you individually to see how things turned out since your post was so long ago, I was in this situation. Since I wasnt fighting he told me that he was tense all the time around me, he just couldnt take it anymore, and it was exhausting him. Hes had counselling , hes had medication, but now he says Im the one who needs it, because Im a head case He is 45 and wants to join the army reserves, so that he can shoot people ( I know he will never pass the psyche tests). I was shocked, hurt and felt totally betrayed. I believe what hurts me most is realizing that he probably never loved me. I totally understand how you feel right now, I had at one stage lost my child for while and was left so confussed and messed up, now Im back with my child but the narc also and she is doing it all over again to me.