It may make dating or relationships challenging if you feel like you have the symptoms of hyper independence. Children who were parentified and experienced role reversal in the family. Many trauma survivors experience a loss of control as part of their trauma, and hyper-independence might be a way that they seek to regain a sense of control over their environment. 12. It does mean, though, that we learn the art of having hard conversations without being hard-hearted. This may have been with them since they were a child or due to a traumatic event they were exposed to. Lets see what characteristics define the hyper-independent profile. However, recent work by Robert Bornstein and other personality researchers has recast dependence as a trait all people share. They always make unilateral decisions and are unspeakably offended if what they suggest isnt done. She gets it accomplished and moves on with her life. It can be an attempt to control, to mother or to demean a husband. While some level of independence is important and useful, a need to be overly independent can feel isolating and cause additional stress. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. It's a mysterious package, delivered by subtle sensory clues. Again, it is okay to take this process slowly, especially if you havent trusted anyone in some time. She's got too much to do and too much to think about outside of her dating life. When this type of individual is in a relationship, it could mean that they may have difficulty trusting others or leaning on them, which can lead to problems within platonic and romantic relationships. Similarly, if you dont normally lean on others, it may be time to do so. However, whats meant by being too independent? She doesnt feel the need to diminish her decision-making power to appease someone else. Examine where you need to become more independent in your actions, decisions, and ideas, and make small changes to reclaim your personal power. | 17 Dating Habits Of An Extremely Independent Woman Honestly, though, having an attitude of prioritizing one anothers needs, preferences and opinions didnt come naturally. 7 tips to stop being overly independent in relationships. This means that the body chooses behaviors based on what will keep it safest at the moment. It just means that shesgot a fast-moving life and shesnot afraid of waving away someone whos just bringing nonsense or negativity into herlife. This can lead to feeling unsafe asking for help, as they could pair the concept of relying on another person with that person abusing them. the belief your life lacks meaning without them. She isnt hesitant to invest her time or money into improving herself. She is too busy doing things that matter and has too much respect for herself to need other people to boost up her ego. She has enough respect for herself that she knows sheis deserving and worthy. Instead, she embraces all people, regardless of their ethnicity, background, status, beliefs, talents, and abilities. Sometimes, hyper-independence can be a way of coping with uncertainty. Women tend to allow societal norms to influence the subjects that they chose to study. If she wants a partner, she finds one. Maybe shewas, at some point, because enjoying drama is just a natural part of being a teenager and growing up. American culture values independence, but sometimes we can take it a bit too far. Independence refers to being self-sufficient or taking care of yourself. When you feel inclined to push back against help, consider trying to determine why. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event. Hyper-independence can also emerge from reluctance to trust others. People with a hyper-independent character can handle anything (or so it seems). Think about if any people in your life try to be there for you, even if you have shut them out in the past. This is related to. you get some women trying to be overly independent and it just comes off as them being a train-wreck . Many women live with a certain degree of discomfort with their physical appearance, especially their bodies. In relationships neither over-dependence or over-independence is healthy. She is confident and believes in her abilities. . So what type of woman makes a less-than-excellent wife? This is an important time for women to embrace their collective and personal power and continue to grow and become stronger. Hyper independence is a coping mechanism that develops as a result of negative experiences, teaching us that relying on and trusting others is not safe. This is why the discouraging wife can be so lethal to a life-giving marriage. When it comes to mental health, there's no "one-size-fits-all." Independence and connection are not mutually exclusive. You can live alone Being independent means you can live alone. Epigenomics. This is especially true of childhood trauma. Letting go of perfectionism that others will do things the way they do, Exploring our identity outside of doing things for others, Understanding the cost of not asking for help, Realizing that there is help available now as adults, even if it wasn't as children, Normalizing asking for help and not seeing it as a sign of weakness, Doing an inventory of what is costing us to not ask for help. Are you fiercely independent, or do you push people away because of a fear of being hurt? Conflict, harmony, and independence: Relationships in evolutionary multi-criterion optimisation. The overly dependent woman looks to her partner to meet most, if not all, of her emotional needs. It does mean, though, that she genuinely cares about her partners feelings and wants to meet his needs when she can. Read less. You'll realize that people who are independent not only value but prioritize their space and alone time. Yes. However, the only thing she doesn't seem to be down for is depending on you. Keep up with Kim on Instagram and Twitter. You can work with a therapist anytime for further assistance in learning to lean on people and trust others. Other People Are Critical to Our Well-Being. If this sounds like you and your existence is dominated by a silent kind of imprint, dont hesitate in requesting specialized help. They can provide you with much-needed help, where you can concentrate on tasks that are more important to you. 14. Hyper-independence arises as a result of deep emotional damage caused by abandonment, broken trust, or betrayal. A strong, independent woman doesnt need to try to fit into a certain mold that society has created. Not subject to another's authority or jurisdiction; autonomous; free This is a recurrent trait. But while bravery and perseverance are valuable traits that help us make our way in life, these stories can idealize autonomy, instilling unrealistic expectations of attaining our goals soloand these narratives also overlook the fact that we benefit enormously from the help of others. Shes just looking for someone whos going to balance her out, stand as her equal, and allow her to share the life shes built up for herself. She views herself as a valuable asset that appreciates over time and therefore needs to be taken care of. How can you support a loved one who is hyper-independent? Shes prone to see romantic relationships as her savior and feels lost without one. She knows her worth and exercises her ability to use her voice to make a change. 5 Celebrities with Strong Christian Marriages, This site is a proud member of the Salem Web Network, a subsidiary of, Copyright 2023, Crosswalk.com. Grow up.). You can also work with a therapist to ease you into the process of doing this, and they may be able to provide a proper treatment plan for the underlying cause of this independence, whether it was past trauma or something else. You can find out more about our use, change your default settings, and withdraw your consent at any time with effect for the future by visiting Cookies Settings, which can also be found in the footer of the site. If she likesyou, she doesntcare about what sheshould be doing and what kind of dates sheshould be going on. Strong independent people know in their hearts that everyone is beautiful just the way they are. She knows that things happen. But, she also knows that things dont happen just to her or because she is deficient in some way. Here are some signs to look for if you feel like you or your partner have a hyper independence attitude in your relationship. Does A Friends With Benefits Relationship Actually Work? Hyper-independence is an extreme form of independence that can lead to both personal and relational issues. Perhaps you see your strength in developing healthy relationships with other people without resorting to co-dependent patterns. Reviewed by Ekua Hagan. You Have Great Difficulty Asking for Help. You bet. Strikingly different from other ladies her age, yet similar in certain ways, an overly independent woman is a fascinating person to be with. Something else that might become obvious is that a person who is ultra-independent may stay away from certain types of people. Hyper-independence refers to individual attempts to be fully independent in all things, even when it is not helpful to do so or when they truly need help or support from others. Complex trauma can affect all areas of your life. On the other hand, if you ask for help with something small and are let down, do your best to understand that this doesnt mean that everyone will let you down. If you know that you have difficulty asking for help, try your best to work on this aspect of your personality. All as a consequence of absent and emotionally cold parents. Are some men are easier to respect than others? For example, you might be overly independent because you learned that you could not trust others, so you can rely only on yourself. Trauma survivors who experience hyper-independence may believe that they do not deserve support or help from other people. If she wants to see a movie but doesnt have anyone to go with her, she is comfortable enough to go alone. 12. This is why you owe it to yourself to trust others and ask for help if you are in a position to do so. His experiences have taught him that being an honest friend who communicates well and giving importance to self-love can go a long way in maintaining loving relationships. 3. You are fiercely independent. Surely, such an old place must have a rich and interesting history, so let's find out. Your hyper-independent traits may have developed to protect you from further harm. Hyper-independence can be a trauma response. What is healthy dependence? They are calm, in control, and believe in themselves, but they dont look down on other people. 13 Signs The Relationship Is Over For Him, 109 Best Appreciation Messages To Show Gratitude, The Ultimate Love List: 365 Reasons Why I Love You, 11 Effective Exercises For Letting Go Of Resentment, Letter to Your Daughter: 13 Heartfelt Sentiments to Consider, 13 Best Ways To Deal With A Disrespectful Grown Child, 147 Powerful Morning Affirmations To Start Your Day. Shesnot looking for someone to support herfinancially. They will have a small circle of friends and family that they interact with. Here's how trauma may impact you. Four, if you count my husband. Everyone laughed sort of. In fact, your nervous system responses may have caused these traits to develop in an attempt to protect you. My independent nature craved for me to have my own space but at the cost of potentially my life. (Eds.). It wasnt meant to be and shellbe happier with someone else. Here are some examples of what the work looks like for some people: An important thing to remember about any trauma response is that it is a way to survive and cope in a stressful and unfair situation. While hyper-independence can cause problems, it likely helped you survive a traumatic situation if you developed this response. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, and having to waste energy on someone who cancels all the time is not worth it. Sometimes youll hear a dismissive woman turning the conversation back to herself, (Yes, but what about myneeds?) or failing to really consider the desire (Thats just not practical/realistic/happening in this lifetime.) or even shaming the need (Oh, for heavens sake, youre not one of the children! ;-) Please do your own research before making any online purchases. A professional should be able to help you learn more about how to accomplish these things. It is a key to developing emotional resilience. 17 Dating Habits Of An Extremely Independent Woman By Kim Quindlen Updated August 21, 2018 1. Instead, an independent woman just thinks of herself as someone who is ambitious, hard-working, and self-sustaining. Disrespect doesnt always come in the form of words. This might be a trauma response. 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Going Back to Your Ex, 5 Reasons Someone Close May Become Emotionally Distant, 5 Subtle Signs You're Smarter Than You Think, 3 Signs That a Relationship Is Based on Loneliness, Not Love, Romantic Relationships in Adults of Narcissistic Parents, The Long-Term Effect of Being Raised by a Borderline Parent. You just met The One or maybe a shady character. Shedoesnt believe that shesalways right, but shedoes believe shehas a right to herown opinions. Did you write her off, assuming she didn't have room in her busy life for you? Some peoples trauma includes going through periods when their needs were not met, and so they can develop hyper-independent tendencies in an effort to survive. doi:10.1177/00400599211061870. Only in this way do they avoid the risk of being injured or betrayed. Being raised by a BPD parent is a risk factor for pathologizing intimacy or love. Learn to ask for help Indeed, these men and women who, though they appear to like going freely through the world, despising love and friendship in all its forms, arent really happy. When you're incredibly independent, such a kind offer may seem like a slap to your ego. Hyper-independence is a behavior in which a person is too independent and self-sufficient. The division of chores in the household may be skewed, where you arent responsible for doing much. Shes the author ofSeek: A Womans Guide to Meeting God,Taming Your Family ZooandRaising Kids with Good Manners. People use the phrase "daddy issues" to refer to father-daughter relationships that have a negative impact on the way a woman relates to men. Women are capable of supporting themselves and their families and are breaking old stereotypes of traditional female roles. But at this point in herlife, she doesnt needdrama. She makes well-considered choices that support her independence and inner strength. Living with Trauma: How to Cope with Flashbacks, Find a Therapist: Mental Health Resources for Everyone, Trauma Denial: How to Recognize It and Why It Matters, natural disasters or other life threatening situations, physical symptoms, like headaches and stomachaches. In the workplace, theyre always in disagreement with others which makes it difficult to carry out group projects.